I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My hand turned me down
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
