Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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