Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
