Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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