I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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