u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
