She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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