i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
