i was born a porn star she said
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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