It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
