Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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