I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My cat gives me a boner
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
