i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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