I'm so fucking centered right now
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
