Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
