I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
