I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
