i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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