I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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