no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
