wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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