I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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