I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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