physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
