Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
