i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
