This girl is more easily done than said...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
