hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
