I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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