There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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