bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
