she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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