last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
