Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
