Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
