I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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