So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
