so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize