Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
