these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
