Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
