i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
