i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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