She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
