I wish I could punch you in the face.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish you could order shots online.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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