I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
