You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
