Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Small penises have feelings too.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
