First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize