he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we're making bets on your personal life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
