Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This house was built for laser tag.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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