Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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