apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
