you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
