look no pants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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