im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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