Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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