If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
