Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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