thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
