Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
