I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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