the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
