please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
