i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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