Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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