why do cheetos always look like penises
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
