Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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