This dress was meant to end up on your floor
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
