We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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